


Immorientio Meus

by Fowlbynamedorkbynature



Series: My Immortal Instruments [2]
Category: (My) Immortal: The Web Series, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Can I tag this as Harry Potter AND My Immortal fanfiction?, Cutting, F/M, M/M, NSFW, Smut, Suicide, This was written as a joke, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-01-08 02:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12245292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fowlbynamedorkbynature/pseuds/Fowlbynamedorkbynature
Summary: My Immortal, if it were written about Jace Herondale, not Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [My Immortal](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/326853) by Tara Gilesbie. 



> Please excuse the extremely short chapters. I'm trying to keep it in line with Tara’s writing style as possible. Also, this isn’t beta’d because I feel that someone competent double checking this would kind of ruin the point.

Chapter 1

 

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz im a hunter) to my bf (ew not in that way) alec bloodyarrowz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Clarissa ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! SVC ROX!

 

Hi my name is Jace Wayland Lightwood Morgenstern Herondale. I have blond hair that reaches my neck and limpid golden eyes and a lot of people tell me I look like an angel (AN: if u don’t know what they are get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Raziel but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a shadowhunter and my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’ve also got angel blood and go to a church called the Institute in Manhattan where I’ve been for seven years (I’m seventeen). I’m a shadowhunter (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black vest with leather pants and black combat boots with white foundation and black eyeshadow. I was walking outside the Institute. It wa snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of mundanes stred at me. I put up my middle finger at them. 

 

“Hey Jace!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Clary Fray!

 

“What’s up Clary?” I asked.

 

“Nothing.” she said shyly.

 

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

AN: Fangz to bloodyarrowz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW mundanes stop flaming ma story ok!

 

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I took the blankets off my bed and drank some coffee I had. My bed was black ebony and had velvet inside. I got out of my bed and took off my giant SVC t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead I put on black leather clothes, a pentagram necklace, and combat boots. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in kind of a messy bun. 

 

My friend, Alexander (AN: Alec dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his raven black hair and opened his icy blue eyes. He put on his Lawn Chair Crisis shirt with black boots and ripped jeans. We put on our makeup (white foundation and black eyeliner.)

 

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Clary Fray yesterday!” he said excitedly. 

 

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing. 

 

“Do you like Clary?” he asked as we went out into the dining room. 

 

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted. 

 

“Yeah right!” he exclaimed. Just then, Clary walked up to me. 

 

“Hi.” she said.

 

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

 

“Guess what.” she said.

 

“What?” I asked. 

 

“Well, Rock Solid Panda are having a concert in Pandemonium.” she told me.

 

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I loved RSP. They are my favorite band, besides SVC.

 

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” she asked.

 

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

AN: STOP FLAMING DA STORY MUNDANEZ OK! odderwize fangs to da hunter ppl for da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN ALEC! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics for Rock Solid Panda

 

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots. I put on baggy black skater pants, a Sexist Pigs t-shirt (they would play at the concert too), and eyeliner. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some RSP.

 

I went outside. Clary was waiting there in front of her flying car. She was wearing a minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. She was wearing matching fishnets on her arms and black nail polish. She straightened her hair and made it look all spiky. 

“Hi Clary!” I said in a depressed voice. 

 

“Hi Jace .” she said back. We walked into her flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Rock Solid Panda and Lawn Chair Crisis. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Rock Solid Panda. 

 

“Come, my faux juggernaut, 

My nefarious loins! 

Slather every protuberance with arid zeal! 

Turgid is my torment! 

Agony swells within!" sang Kirk. (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

 

“Kirk is so fucking hot.” I said to Clary, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. 

 

Suddenly Clary looked sad.

 

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. 

 

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said. 

 

“Really?” asked Clary sensitively and I put my arm around her all protective.

 

“Really,” I said. “Besides, I don’t even know Kirk and he’s going out with Maureen fucking Brown. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. 

 

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Clary. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Eric and Kirk for their autographs and photos with them. We got RSP concert tees. Clary and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Clary didn’t go back into the Institute, instead she drove the car into… the City of Bones!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 04

AN: I sed stup flaming ok jace’s name is JECA nut mary su OK! CLARY IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat she is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

“CLARY!” I shouted. “Wat the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Clary didn’t answer but she stopped the flying car and she walked out of it. Walked out of it too, curiously. 

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Jace?” she asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Clary leaned in extra-close and I looked into her gothic red eyes (she was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore. 

And then… suddenly just as I Clary kissed me passionately. I climbed on top of Clary and we started to make out keenly against a tree. I took off her top and she took off my clothes. She even took off her bra. Then I put my thingie in her you-know-what and we did it for the first time. 

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” 

It was….Maryse!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a mundane or a posr! Da only reson Marsye swor is coz she had a hedache ok an on tup of dat she wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

 

Maryse made Clary and I follow her. She kept shouting at us angrily. 

 

“You ludacris fools!” she shouted.

 

I started to cry tears of angel blood down my pallid face. Clary comforted me. When we went back to the church, Maryse took us to Hodge and Robert who were both looking very angry.

 

“They were having sexual intercourse in the City of Bones!” she yelled in a furious voice. 

 

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Robert.

 

“How dare you?” demanded Hodge.

 

And then Clary shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!”

 

Everyone was quiet. Maryse and Robert still looked mad but Hodge said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms. 

 

Clary and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

 

“Are you okay, Jace?” Clary asked me gently.

 

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the boy’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair. When I came out….

 

Clary was standing in front of the bathroom, and she started to sing ‘beati bellicosi’ by Rock Solid Panda. I was so flattered, even though she wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and she reluctantly went back to her room. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

AN: shjt up mundanez ok! I wnot update ubtil u give me good revows!

 

The next day I woke up in my bed. I put on black jeans that were all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls over it and boots that were black. 

 

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula, and a cup of coffee. Suddenly bumped into me. All of it spilled over my top. 

 

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a hunter with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Clary’s. He had manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy accent. He looked exactly like Kirk Duplesse. 

 

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice. 

 

“That’s alright. What’s your name?” I questioned. 

 

“My name’s Simon Lewis, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled. 

 

“Why?” I exclaimed.

 

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled. 

 

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Clary came up behind me and told me she had a surprise for me so I went away with her.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis coz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U. Juce isn’t a Marie Sue ok he isn’t perfect HES A SATANITS! n he has problemz hes depressed 4 godz sake!

 

Clary and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Clary. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Clary. We went into her room and locked the door. Then…

 

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. I felt her up before I took off her top. Then she took off her black leather bra and I took off my pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then I put my boy’s thingy in hers and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

 

“Oh Clary, Clary!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Clary’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody hunter writing were the words… Vampire!

 

I was so angry. 

 

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. 

 

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Clary pleaded. But I knew too much. 

 

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

 

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Clary ran out even though she was naked. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s room where he was having a lesson with Hodge and some other people. 

 

“VAMPIRE LEWIS, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a mundane!

 

Everyone in the room stared at me and then Clary came into the room even though she was naked and started begging me to take her back. 

 

“Jace, it’s not what you think!” Clary screamed sadly.

 

My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length hunter black hair and opened her dark brown gold flecked eyes that she was wearing red contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Isabelle was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are shadowhunters. Valentine killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she’s very haunted and depressed. It also turns out that her real last name is Smith and not Lightwood. (She has since converted to Satanism.)

 

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Hodge demanded angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. 

 

“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Clary!” I shouted at him. 

 

Everyone gasped.

 

I don’t know why Jace was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Jace) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Maia, a stupid mundane fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through some horrible problems, but now he was a hunter. (Haha, like I would hang out with a mundane.) 

 

“But I’m not going out with Clary anymore!” said Vampire. 

 

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the City of Bones where I had lost my virility to Clary and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if marse swers! besuidz I SED SHE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson hodg doesnt lik simon now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! SVC ROX!

 

I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Clary for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Clary. 

 

Then all of a suddenly, a horrible man with black eyes and everything started flying towards me on a vampire motorcycle! He was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t a hunter. It was… Valentine!

 

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Valentine sent a rune towards me and I couldn’t run away.

 

“Church!” I shouted at him. Valentine fell of his vampire motorcycle and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped. 

 

“Jace.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Lewis!”

 

I thought about Vampire and his sexah and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Kirk Duplesse. I remembered that Clary had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Clary went out with Vampire before I went out with her and they broke up?

 

“No, Valentine!” I shouted back. 

 

Valentine gave me a seraph blade. “No! Please!” I begged. 

 

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Clary.”

 

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

 

Valentine got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Clary!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his vampire motorcycle.

 

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Clary came into the woods. 

 

“Clary!” I said. “Hi!”

 

“Hi.” she said back but her face was all sad. She was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Kirk Duplesse and Matt Charlton. 

 

“Are you okay?” I asked.

 

“No.” she answered.

 

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

 

“That’s okay.” she said all depressed and we went back into the Institute together making out.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

AN: stup it you gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Vlaentine all day. I was eve upset went to rehearsals with my hunter metal band Furious Mole. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between RSP, Fortuitous Occurrences and SVC. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Clary, Meliorn (he has black hair with blue streaks in it.) and Margnus. Only today Clary and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Clary was probably slitting her wrists (she wouldn't die because she was a shadowhunter and the only way you can kill a shadowhunter is with a d-e-m-o-n (there's no way I'm writing that) or a rune) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my chest and matching skinny jeans that said Sexist Pigs on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

We were singing a cover of 'Rebecca' and at the end of the song I suddenly burst into tears.

"Jace! Are you okay?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Valentine came, and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Simon! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Clary. But if I don't kill Simon, then Valentine, will fucking kill Clary!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly, Clary jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" She shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser mundane bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Clary started to cry too all sensitive. Then she ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Marsey walked in angrily! Her eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn;t cause she had a headache.

"What have you done!" She started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time she wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Jace Claryt has been found in her room. She committed suicide by slitting her wrists."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 

AN: i sed stup flaming up mundanez! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend alec 4 hleping me!

 

“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her to fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Maryse chased after me but she had to stop when I went into my room cause she would look like a perv that way. 

 

Anyway, I started crying tears of angel blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Champagne Enema song at full volume. I grabbed a stele and almost drew a rune on my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub. I put on a black low-cut shirt with matching pants sandly. I put black boots with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Hodg was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Luucin was masticating! They were sitting on their vampire motorcycles. 

 

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Lawn Chair Crisis on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

 

“Av Aque Vale!” he yelled at Hodge and Luucin pointing his othambe. I took my seraph blade and stabbed Hodge and Luucin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Mayrse ran in. “Ebony, it had been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” she shouted looking at Hodge and Luucin and then she waved her athame and suddenly…

 

Margnus ran outside with his vampire motorcycle and said everyone we need to talk.

 

“What do you know, Margnus? You’re just a little Institute student!”

 

“I MAY BE AN INSTITUTE STUDENT….” Margunus paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

 

“This cannot be.” Hodg said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Mayrse’s athame stabbed him. “There must be other factors.” 

 

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

 

Luucin held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

 

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Luucin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his cloak. 

 

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. 

 

“BECAUSE...BECAUSE….” Margus said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his hand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a hunter version of a song by Mojo Pie.

 

“Because you’re a hunter?” Hodg asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

 

“Because I LOVE HER!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual person here transcribing this monstrosity into the Mortal Instruments series, hello there. Just want to say how thankful I am to my 10th grade English teacher who told us that masticating just means chewing. Like Imagine Luke outside a window on a motorcycle, just like eating a burger at someone who just angrily took a bath, who then proceeded to put on a towel even though they already said they got dressed. This series is sometimes too much y’all
> 
> Also, this story is all of a sudden the second part of a series. The first part is a translation page, decoding most if not all of the ridiculousness i swapped out to make this story fit into the world of Cassandra Clare.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone actually wants this to continue let me know. Otherwise, this will be a one-shot.


End file.
